Quelle: wdr.de

Wie schön, dass es noch Leitartikel (Quelle: DIE ZEIT, 12.08.2010 Nr. 33) gibt, die neben populistischen Stammtisch-Parolen auch Realitätsverlust im Endstadium, latenten Rassismus und eine gehörige Portion Unwissen aufweisen.

Wäre er ein Buch, müssten folgende markante Textstellen seinen Rücken zieren, da sie in besonders eindrucksvoller Art und Weise skizzieren, von welch erstaunlich fehlgeleiteten, verblendeten Ideen er durchsetzt ist:

“Niemand kann den Menschen die Verunsicherung nehmen, die sich aus den gelockerten Familienbanden ergibt – auch die Union nicht. Denn die Scheidungen, die Patchworkfamilien und die berufstätigen Frauen kommen aus der Mitte der Gesellschaft, sie kennzeichnen die Lebensform der Mehrheit, übrigens auch der Mehrheit derer, die sich konservativ nennen.”

Berufstätige Frauen -> Verunsicherung der Konservativen? Ooooch….

“Niemand kann es den Deutschen ersparen, sich mit der multikulturell gewordenen Gesellschaft anzufreunden. Die ethnischen Minderheiten werden nicht wieder verschwinden, auch nicht, wenn die CDU sich auf den Kopf stellte.”

Wirklich bewundernswert, wie offen der Autor hier die Entfernung ethnischer Minderheiten propagiert. Welche Rolle dabei eine Kopf-stehende Union spielen soll, bleibt schleierhaft. Jedenfalls müssen die gequälten Deutschen sich, wohl oder übel, mit dieser abscheulich multikulturell-rassendurchmischten Gesellschaft anfreunden. Ein Jammer, wenn das Land vor die Hunde geht.

Es folgen Hiebe gegen den “schwammigen Technokraten” de Maizière, reichlich unreflektierte Bemerkungen zur Netz-Neutralität sowie wagemutige Einschätzungen zur Menge an Sexualstraftätern, die “Woche für Woche” in die unheilbringende Freiheit entlassen werden. Schließlich brauch gerade eine offene Gesellschaft strenge Regeln. Quasi qua definitione. Oder?

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No:

Socks in sandals. You’re not wearing a real shoe! Lose the cloth.

Half-way-pants (“Capri”?) for men. Decide! Either wear shorts or go the whole hog.

Trekking-sandals. No! You’re not “trekking”, you’re meandering, moseying at most. In a big city and mostly on concrete.

Screaming kids on the subway. Not crying or whining – screaming. For NO apparent reason other than being an asshole.

Smartphone-boomboxes. If you’re one of those people who do this, you’re music is prone to suck. So don’t.

Smoking on the subway-platform. It’s not cool, it’s not rebellious, it smells disgusting and it makes you look like a dick.

Leggings/tights and a shirt that’s not long enough to cover your ass. Get a longer shirt. Or lose the pants. There’s no middle ground here.

Sitting on the subway, blocking two seats because you have to spread your legs apart. Yes, I realize that, as a primate, you feel the primitive urge to present your genitals to the opposite (or indeed the same) sex. However, this is neither the right time nor place for such an exhibit. Save it for the sauna.

Walking in the middle of the sidewalk, then suddenly stopping to look at some shoes in the window. You’re in the way! If you don’t  watch out what happens behind you, I will push you aside muttering curses.

Spitting. It’s your own juices! Swallow them and stop making little puddles at bus stops.

Constantly moaning about everything and everybody instead of just getting on with your life. Uhh… right, steady on.

I might update these as I find more… Anyone got any others? Hit me.

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“What’s with all the motion pictures lately?”, you might rightly proclaim. Well, this one is another creation of my own, following the great success of “London Calling”. This time around, we find ourselves on the lovely, albeit lonely roads of Sweden.

I tried to keep it short and sweet, although, I wish I’d had more footage of us driving… However, I’ve included amazing clips of colourful dragons, a supernova and actual alien lifeforms*! So, enjoy.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz5zH8y9-Xg

*Warning: Viewer’s experience may differ according to consumption of “shrooms”.

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Just to quickly explain the new Videographic demonstration on the right hand side there:
One should first consider viewing the following clip, of which the one on the right is a (brilliant) spoof:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE

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Im ZEIT-Magazin der vergangenen Woche (Nr. 28) musste ich kürzlich folgendes auf Seite 50 lesen:

“Manisch depressiver, hässlicher, verzweifelter Jurastudent (27), der gerne Bach hört, sucht Sie zum Durchbrechen der sozialen Isolation” (sic!)

Ich möchte hiermit auch über diesen Kanal auf meine Anzeige hinweisen und warte nun geduldig auf Post. Wegen manisch-depressiven Suffs, der offenbar auch Gedächtnisverlust zur Folge hat, darf jedoch mit Antworten in der Regel nicht gerechnet werden.

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Apparently,

That’s quite pleasing! Although, to be fair, I had to try and enter a couple of texts into the machine to overcome the “Dan Brown”-phase, after which a relatively pleasant “David Foster Wallace”-interlude led me to my current status as a kin of the great, inimitable D.A.

Who do you write like?

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If someone gave you a hundred grand (100.000 $, € or å‚∂ƒ©ªº∆… Pound Sterling), what would you do with it? A luxurious trip around the world? A big stereo to blow your neighbour’s ears off? A new car even?

I guess all of those are very good uses, provided you’ve given a bit of it to charity, let’s not be greedy, ey? However, I present to you the, in my opinion, most venerable expenditure: A little place in the remote, beautiful and breathtakingly relaxing neck of the woods the natives call “Stömne“. According to a local estate agent’s office, holiday homes are somewhere below the 100.000-belt, which is absolutely astonishing given the utter desirability of the houses we saw.

Anyway, the only reason I’m writing about Stömne is to say that I passed through it on a week’s camping-holiday in the lovely Kingdom of Sweden. Its sights and sounds (quite a few amazing ones of the former, very little annoying ones of the latter) encouraged us to return “ASAP”, as they say. Below you will find a couple of the impressions that enticed us to forget about the Caribbean, Samoa and the like as possible venues for future vacations.

Harbour-Town

Mirror-Shot

Sun-Down

Top-View

Neck-Less

Lake-Side I

Lake-Side II

Squatting-Squaw

Water-Fall

Splish-Splash

Grassy-Knoll

Topsy-Turvy

Meadow-Shot

Companion-Ship

Night-Time

Warning-Sign

Sky-Light I

Sky-Light II

 

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A Powerful Man

A little while ago I heard something very true about the concept of Intelligent Design. It’s an odd idea, thinking that some entity formed all things, even though it does seem appealing to consider yourself the crown of all creation. The sheer complexity of life, the intricate workings of reproduction of species, wasps laying eggs inside spiders, and parasites changing the behaviour of their hosts in a way that makes them more likely to be eaten by their prey, which in turn provides a host environment for the parasite at a later stage in its life cycle.

The same could be said for Syphilis (of which I will spare you a picture), which has been known to enhance the libido, which in turn would of course spread the disease and therefore serve as a catalyst for the reproduction of the bacterium. Amazing, mind boggling stuff, which certainly allows for the notion of some sort of designer.

Consider the following, however. Imagine a sunrise over the Grand Canyon. The Himalayas. The majestic deserts of Africa, Asia and South America. The glaciers of Scandinavia, anything that is grand and beautiful was supposedly made by some Dude. What on earth was He thinking when he threw us together?!

Morning-Face

Think about your reflection in the mirror every morning, that flabby, wrinkled, gnarly image of imperfection. Is that really something you’d want to credit so the same Guy who made the Victoria Falls? I didn’t think so. It’s basically the equivalent of Monet sneezing on the canvas and the phlegm epitomizing itself as the apogee of all his work while he quietly proceeds to paint another set of water lilies. Madness!

All this went through my mind while trying to align the two identical copies of the left ear of the guy sitting in front of me in a coach, which I see when staring way beyond him into the distance, by tilting my head slightly from side to side until both of the tips of the ears reach an imaginary horizontal line passing through the middle of his head. It’s hard, especially when he keeps moving, which I asked him to stop (in my mind).

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I am very lucky! I was picked as the winner of the Random-Screening-Lottery at the airport. I got to go to a little room with a little lady and they checked all my electronic devices for me. How nice of them. I was able to find out that no traces of explosive material have been near my laptop and camera in the past 2 years.

I asked for a certificate of some sort, so I could proudly hang it over my bed, but they said they didn’t give out any such certificates and yes, I was free to make my own and hang it wherever I liked.

Regarding the reasons for which this great honor was imparted on me, I couldn’t possibly have a wild guess. They said it was random, and that a red flag came up if someone had an exceptionally large amount of devices with them. I promised to bring less devices next time. They didn’t care.

So, as my flight is late, again, by about an hour, again, I sit here contemplating the possibility of actually walking onto the field and hitchhiking to Stockholm Arlanda Airport. However, I’m afraid I too might be thoroughly searched for traces of explosive material. Everywhere. So I won’t.

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Henceforth, I’m going to make these things shorter. Starting now. Well, I said “henceforth” which could be construed as meaning “after this”. However, what I meant was “from now on”. So, there. Also, there might be more regular updates, due to the larger amount of shortness inherent in the articles.

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